we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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