i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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