why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
