the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
