my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
