so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
