i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
