Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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