so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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