he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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