hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
