in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
