Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
