I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
