I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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