i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
