you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
