I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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