I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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