Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
