Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
