Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
