Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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