All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
