My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
