Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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