the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize