"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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