So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize