Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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