I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
