I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
