he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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