I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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