So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
