I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i drank out of a bidet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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