Nicole vs. Life
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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