i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
