I'm lost and stupid without you.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
