I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude i'm inner monologue high
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
