well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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