90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
