Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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