I think my fart just growled at me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
