Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
