thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
