Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize