never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
