omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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