its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize