she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
