for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You dont lie about slip and slides
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
