it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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