the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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