I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
