You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
