Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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