I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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