Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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