a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
