remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
