I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
