I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
