His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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