The maid of honor just puked.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
