It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
