Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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