youre lurking in front of me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
