Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
