she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize