Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
