maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
