I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize