made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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