I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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